?!

I’m sure that everyone on the planet has heard Jerry Seinfeld (and countless others) complain about the “close-talkers”. There are websites dedicated to Men’s Room rules that dictate which urinal is the “correct” one to choose in a given situation. One that I’m adding to the list: sharing lanes in the lap-pool at the gym.

I used to swim very regularly. In fact, when I first joined the local gym, I did so with the intention of swimming 6 days a week and did this successfully for the first year of my membership. Nowadays, I have changed my routine to focus more on aerobic and weight-based exercise, which doesn’t include regular use of the pool. However, tonight I decided to take a break from my routine. I went to the gym with the decision that I would relax in the jacuzzi and swim some laps instead.

For whatever reason, the pool area was pretty much empty tonight, which isn’t a bad thing in my book. I sat in the jacuzzi for about ten minutes before deciding to jump on in to the pool. By this time, I was the ONLY person in the lap pool, so I chose “lane 3″ (as if that means anything to anyone reading this post). There are four lanes, so the preferred lanes are typically 2 and 3 since there isn’t a solid wall to bang your hands and feet on as you swim to and fro.

I swam a few laps, and then lazily stopped at the far end to stretch my legs and just relax a bit. As I mentioned before, my whole intention of going to the gym this evening was to relax.

As I sat at the far end, with barely my shoulders and head protruding from the water, I noticed another guy walking towards the pool. No big deal, right? There were 3 other lanes that were completely open. I figured he would take lane 1, as that it the common courtesy that most swimmers give one another. I don’t really understand it, but it seems like it is a kind gesture to NOT swim in the lane directly adjacent to another swimmer if it can be avoided.

But, in order for this to be a blog post, he couldn’t possibly choose lane 1. Lane 2 then, perhaps? Nope. He decided that he was going to use lane 3. In case you’re a REALLY slow reader with a terrible short-term memory, I was in lane 3.

To clarify a bit further, it is perfectly acceptable to share a lane while swimming laps. When all four lanes have been taken, the fifth swimmer is welcome to share with any of the other swimmers. Typically it is customary to let the existing swimmer know that you’ll be joining them so that they move to a side and at least attempt to not hit you mid-stroke.

As my co-swimmer, and now lane partner, entered the water in lane 3, it became clear that he wanted to share the lane. He jumped in and put on his goggles, then removed the goggles, rinsed them in the water, and put them back on – ALL WHILE FACING ME DIRECTLY. He then proceeded to begin swimming laps. I waited and waited for him to recognize his oversight, but finally dove under the lane-marker rope when he was about 5 feet away from me. I expected him to notice the sudden movement DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF HIS FACE, but he didn’t.

I also expected him, upon reaching the end of the lane, to realize that I had moved to lane 2 and possiblty apologize for his mistake. He didn’t. In fact, he and I sat next to each other at the far end of the pool for a good minute or two before I finally swam away.

I got to the opposite end of the pool, jumped out, and asked the lifeguard if she had noticed what happened. I could tell that she wasn’t really comfortable with admitting it, fearing that I might be angry, so I explained that I really didn’t care since I was just relaxing in the first place. She started laughing nervously and said that she was completely confused by the whole situation.

I was confused, then amused, then annoyed. I want to revoke the dude’s Man Card for this one. I can tolerate a LOT – I’m okay with someone bumping into me when the subway suddenly jerks forward or comes to a screeching halt. I can live with being seated next to a guy twice my size on a cramped airplane for four hours, and having his leg/arm/stomach touch me the whole time. But totally stealing my lane at the pool? I gotta draw the line…

How about y’all?