?!

I’d like to have you take a few minutes and really think about what I’m asking in this post. I really would like for you to think about it before you draw any conclusion in your mind.

But before I actually pose the question, though, I’d like to introduce you to two kids in a fifth-grade classroom. Matt is a typical “boy” – he likes fast cars and likes to watch wrestling on TV. He is average in every way, except that he has hair that is so blonde it’s nearly white. Chad is his classmate, and he also has very light-colored hair. Chad, however, likes for people to notice that his hair is nearly white. Like Matt, he likes fast cars and wrestling, but he also likes for people to notice that he has (practically) white hair. He wears t-shirts that say “Look at my hair!” Sometimes he gets so excited about his hair that he struggles to focus in class.

One day, Chad gets a little too excited, and the teacher has to reprimand him. She asks him to sit quietly for the remainder of class. The next time the teacher asks a question, Chad immediately raises his hand to signal that he knows the answer; however, the teacher calls on a different kid to answer the question. A little bit later, Chad again tries to answer a question, but the teacher calls on Matt to answer instead.

Chad doesn’t like this. In fact, it makes him EXTREMEMLY upset to be passed-up like this. He knew the answer to both questions. He begins to wonder why he wasn’t chosen to answer. Finally, he approaches the teacher and exclaims that he is being treated unfairly because of his white hair. He throws a complete fit, shouting that it’s not right that he didn’t get to answer just because of his hair color. It’s not like he CHOSE his hair color, right? He can’t really change his hair color, at least not permanently. He just can’t figure out why he is treated so unfairly.

Does this sound familiar to you at all?

It does to me. I’ve met number of gay people – both male and female – that choose to live their lives in a variety of ways. Some of them are like Matt – they’re gay, but they don’t rub it in your face. In fact, you probably wouldn’t even THINK that they’re gay at all, unless they decide to share their personal lives with you. On the other hand, some of them are flamboyantly gay, similar to Chad. They want you to know that they’re gay, they prance/march around with their rainbow attire, and tell you all about their personal lives (mostly to an unwilling audience). The “Matts” don’t care to be seen with the “Chads”. They don’t necessarily want to be associated with the “Chads” on a regular basis. The “Matts” want to “fit in” to society in the exact same ways as everyone else. They want their personal lives to remain PERSONAL. The “Chads” don’t understand why people look at them funny when they go prancing along. They think that everyone hates them because they’re gay, but never hesitate to exclaim loudly that they are such.

Now, answer me this: Like Chad, are the “Chads” being mistreated BECAUSE they’re gay? Are they being treated DIFFERENTLY because they’re gay, or is there some other factor(s) involved? Think about that….

Back to the fiction for a minute:

Later in life, Chad begins attending White Hair rallies where fellow White Hair People get together to show that they are just like everyone else and should be treated just like everyone else. Everyone in attendance wears their “White Hair Rulz” shirts, sell their White Hair wares, and have a jolly good time. Matt attends, too, but dresses like he would on any other day. He goes with his friends, some of which have white hair, and they all enjoy the festival. Some people (non-White Hairs) from the town attend to see what the festival offers, while others are furious that such an event would take place in their city. They generalize and think that everyone that attends the White Hair festival is going to be loud and obnoxious about the color of their hair, and that they’re going to somehow destroy the town.

That part of the story is too close to what has really happened here. Recently, Peoria was host to its first “Pride” festival on the riverfront, which was held to celebrate gay pride. A few months earlier, at the announcement of this festival, an openly gay man posted on the Peoria.com PUBLIC forums that he was excited for the event. He explained that he was excited to see that his local community was willing to let him and other people like him get together in a public place to celebrate something that they all have in common, which happens to be their sexuality. Other members of the PUBLIC forum jumped all over him, saying how wrong it is for him to be gay, how gross it is that he likes other men, and how Pride festivals are counter-productive to overall acceptance and  equality for everyone involved. One person in particular kept asking something along the lines of “why do you keep screaming for equal treatment while holding festivals that separate you from the rest of us?”

Now, pause for a moment and think about that. Is a Pride Festival separatist? If you would say “yes”, please consider this: are the Germans or the Irish being separatist when they hold Oktoberfest or Erin Feis? Is Illinois being separatist when it holds its annual State Fair? I would say “no” to all of these instances, but only to a certain extent. If the Germans were ONLY allowing fellow Germans to attend the festival, and propagating ideas relating to Germans being superior to everyone else, I would answer differently. But the fact that these gatherings are open to the public as a “come and see who we are”-type of event, I don’t find them to be separatist in the least bit.

My two cents? I don’t care who you are. I don’t care what your profession is, or what you do in your free time. I don’t care if you have white hair, blue hair, pink hair, or brown hair. I don’t care if your skin color is brown, white, red, orange, black, purple, or tattooed. I don’t even care about the clothes that you wear. BUT, and that’s a big but, if you act like a gangster/hoodlum, I’m going to react to you as if you really are a gangster/hoodlum. If you act like a drag/drama queen, I am going to react to you as if you really are a drag/drama queen. If you act out in ANY WAY, I’m going to react as if you are acting out. It’s not because you’re gay. It’s not because you’re of a different race. It’s because of your actions. AND, furthermore, I’m not going to be any more hesitant to react* because you fit any sort of minority-mold.

There was another post on the Peoria.com forums after the Peoria Pride event. It was from an assumed lesbian (the username sounded like a female, and she was posting about “my people”…) that was furious about the ways that gays and lesbians are given lesser rights/privileges because of their sexuality. While I don’t think that it’s appropriate for other people to be judgmental, I immediately wonder what outward actions triggered the judgments. To expect people to ignore pride flags, feather boas, and girl-cut jeans on guys, or butch haircuts, boy-cut jeans, and nose rings on girls is asking a bit too much. To the people that expect this, you need to keep something in mind:

Matt gets treated like the rest of the class because he BEHAVES like the rest of the class. Chad gets treated differently because he brings attention to himself and WANTS to be treated differently. If he wanted to be treated the same way as Matt, he would BEHAVE the same way as Matt.

Now, I’m interested to hear your opinions, regardless of your viewpoint. But, as always, I reserve the right to edit out words that I find to be inappropriate, so please be mindful of that.

*I may hesitate to react if I think you’re going to shoot me, though….